Being back in Canada has given me opportunity to reflect on life over the past few years. I am truly blessed to see how God has worked in my life to completely change my focus and direction. I have a passion and excitement for following Jesus like I have never had before. I love sharing this.
Despite this, life is not without its hardships and difficulties. God has been so faithful these past few years and yet I still doubt. The biggest priority for my time in Canada is to be raising support to join staff at Engineering Ministries International. I strongly feel that this is where God has been leading me, so my expectation is that it would be easy. But it has not always been. I have really enjoyed sharing my experiences with people, but I have been reluctant to ask if they want to partner with me. I know that God will provide what I need, he has done it so many times before. I know that God is not restricted by money, he made food and water come from no where for the Israelites in the desert. I know that I am his son and he desires to give me good things. But I don't fully believe it. I don't behave as if I know these things are true. I still try to work hard to achieve them in my own strength. I forget to ask God to provide for my needs. I see some money come in and think about what I need to do to get the rest of it. God has been continuing to bring to mind that I don't have because I am not asking and relying on him.
So here I am with 5 weeks left before I go to Uganda and I am getting worried and anxious about my support raising. I think how will it come before I plan to go back. I have a plane ticket booked for Jan 1, but I am required to have my support raised before I return. How am I going to do this? That is the lie that the devil is telling me now. Who am I to think that God wants to use me? Why would I think that people would want to give to the work I am involved in? It won't happen, you are not going to make it. All of this happening when the past two weeks have been great. I feel so ready to go back to Uganda. God has been strengthening me and growing me for what is next. He is teaching me to rely on him more. The reality is the lies the enemy tells us are not completely false. I really cannot do this on my own, but I want to, telling me I can't makes me want to try harder and prove myself. That has been the hardest part about support raising, I must rely on God to provide through other people. But the truth is that God will provide. He has been providing. I have been encouraged by other people's generosity and excitement.
God has been inviting me back to him. To rely on his provision and his guiding. He has placed me in a wonderful community. So he is telling me to reach out to them.
First in prayer. Even in prayer I want to do it on my own. I want to be able to pray about it myself and not ask anyone else to join me. But we are placed in a body, a family for a reason. We are called to share life. So I ask that you pray with me that God would provide the support I need by January 1st. Pray that God's truth would speak loudly above the lies I am hearing. I am in need of monthly partners, pray that God would stir the hearts of the people he has prepared for this and that he would guide me to talking with the right people.
This is where I am struggling today. I thank you for joining me in this journey, through the mountains and the valleys.
May God meet you where you are today, as he has been meeting me.
Matt
If you would like to partner with me or think of someone else who might be interested check out this
page. Please share with anyone you God places on you heart.
