I have been back in Canada for almost 7 weeks now. Time has gone quickly. I have had a great time connecting with friends and family. I had been enjoying the great weather we were having here with some golfing and kayaking. I have been doing some part time work off and on for a friend, for EMI, and for my dad's office. I was in a wedding party last weekend and part of some wedding related activities before that. I have had some time to rest, relax and process. This week I have started helping coach volleyball at my old high school.
I have been trying to be more intentional about seeking God and listening to him each day, not just in the big decisions. But how do we hear from God? I think the first thing is that we need to listen, that is not something I do very well. The way that God speaks to us can vary. How I came to have more time to rest and how I got involved in coaching volleyball are two recent example of how I have been learning to hear and recognize God's voice.
My first couple of weeks in Canada were relaxing and restful. My last month in Uganda was very busy and I was okay to spend some time slowing down. But after a couple of weeks I was getting a bit restless and wanting to do something. For the majority of my life I have had a regular plan throughout the week, either go to school or go to work. So my first thought was to start working full time. I had thought that before coming back and wanted to return to the company I worked for in Toronto. However they didn't have work or space in the office for me. My dad said they were busy at work and could use some help. My plan was to go there on a Tuesday to discuss what that could look like, my intention was to see if I could work full time. On the Monday before, I met with a friend to catch up. During that conversation the thought came to my mind that I shouldn't get too busy right now but take time to rest and rejuvenate. Shortly after that thought my friend suggested the same thing. He thought my time back should be one where I get rested and refreshed and prepared to return back to Uganda. I believe that is an instance where God was speaking to me, in my mind and through my friend. Looking back I can see how good it has been not to become too busy and scheduled and have the opportunity to do other things.
Before I came back to Canada I had thought a little bit about what I could do when I was there. I had thought about helping out with coaching volleyball at the high school. My uncle is coaching the senior team, but he already had someone helping him. So I thought that I would do something else then. This past week I had been thinking a bit more about getting involved in volunteering but wasn't sure where. I thought about helping at the high school, maybe with tutoring. On Monday I went to watch some volleyball games, my younger cousin is playing on the junior team and I told him I would come watch. As I was sitting in the stands watching, the thought went through my head that maybe they needed help with coaching. The game was not looking too good, the players were disorganized and the coach was looking overwhelmed with too many things to try to address at once. Before the end of the games a friend came to talk to me and the first thing he said was "You should talk to the coach about helping out", this was even before he said hi to me. So after the game I went to talk to the coach, he also coached me when I was in high school. We caught up for a bit and then I told him that my schedule is flexible right now and I could help if he needed it. He excitedly said "really". He had been praying with someone that day about needing someone to help out. It is not always this clear when God is speaking to us, but when we are listening we find that he does and more we listen and hear, the better we get at discerning his voice.
A common question people ask me is "how is it being home?" I don't have a simple answer. It is both great and it is tough. It has been awesome to meet with people and catch up on life. I really enjoy sharing about my last year and the wonderful blessing it has been to me. It is great to see people I haven't seen in a while and hear how they have been. But that can also be tough. I have been away from Canada for most of the last two years. Life doesn't stop here while I am away. People create memories that I am not a part of. Friends and family have gotten married, some to people that I barely know. Friends have had kids that I don't know at all. A lot of the time I feel like an outsider looking in, seeing a life that I have missed. This is especially hard in the close relationships I have. Before going to Uganda last year I knew the hardest part for me would be living away from my close friends and family. It was tough sometimes while in Uganda when I knew I was missing something: weddings, babies, etc. But most of the time it was fine as I was living my life in Uganda. Coming back to Canada I realize more and more what I miss while I am away. And it is a tough thing to realize, especially as I have committed to joining EMI for at least 3 years. There is much of life here in Canada that I will miss during that time. But I have a great community in Uganda too, which is another reason it is tough to be in Canada.
My past year has been amazing. I realize that more and more as I share with people here. A huge part of that has been community. I am surrounded by people who have the same passion and focus as me. It has been a wonderful encouragement. But now I am away from them. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing community here in Canada too, but it is different. It is a blessing to have community in different places, but I can't be with them both at the same time.
There is a cost to following Jesus. He never promises that it is going to be easy. In Luke 14:26-33 Jesus tells the crowd that unless they hate their family or their life they cannot be his disciple. Jesus doesn't literally mean the we should hate of family, other scriptures are very clear that we are to love, but he is making a point that if we value anything above following him we cannot truly be his disciples. He then goes on to use the illustration of a man planning to build a tower. If he is wise he will determine how much it will cost before starting construction so that he will know whether or not he can finish. In the same way Jesus tells us to consider the cost of following him so that we don't get part way through and become disillusioned with hardship. I am realizing more and more of what that cost looks like in my own life. It is tough to be away from people I love. But when I look at this past year and see the enormous blessing and joy and the abundant life that I have had, I am willing to pay that price. I am willing to follow Jesus into that.
I pray that you are blessed by this
Matt
